“And for those of you in the back of the plane… frozen fish heads. Mmmm that’s exactly what I was hoping for, wishing upon a star!” Brian Regan
I find myself sitting in 30A on DL67 heading to ATL, arrival time, supposedly 2:35. Ha.
Thanks to the increase of assholes and decrease in safety in this world, all incoming American flights have more than tripled increased security. Last week some idiot decided to hide explosives in his underpants and attempted to take down his plane. Luckily he not only failed at life, but he failed at his mission. I mean, what kind of moron puts explosives in their underpants? “Excuse me Sir, is that dynamite in your pants? Or are you just excited to see me?” Yeah… not cool. But thanks to him, it was all over the news to expect increased security on all flights heading to American. We were told to be at the airport at least two hours in advance, so at 6AM (swiss time) or midnight EST, I woke up to a quiet Kirsten knock on my door. It’s time. Oh god, really? I’m not ready yet. I just got here.
When I arrived at the airport for my 9:40 flight I saw the longest airport check-in line I have ever seen. Thank goodness there was no snow on the ground! I was questioned for about 3 minutes by a delightful Swiss lady who didn’t seem to understand my humor, or why every answer ended in “Ma’am.” (I am from the south after all.) I finished my check-in, left my 23kg suitcase with them, and continued on to my family. Despite a few extra questions, I did not notice anything extreme thus far in security, other than the last line the security lady said to me: “After you finish checking in you must go directly to the gate.” With an hour and forty five minutes to spare before my flight, really? Wow.
Kirsten, Auntie, and Stefan walked me to passport control, where we said our goodbyes, exchanged a few hugs and kisses and “I love you’s.” For the record, it wasn’t until I turned my back from them that I started to tear up. Once through passport control I released a huge sigh, a few tears, and then began to realize I needed to pull myself together if I was going to get through the day.
I headed to Concourse E, Gate 27. I was stopped at another passport control where the gentleman looked at me, could tell I recently had tears wallowing in my eyes, stamped my passport, and wished me safe travels. Then came security. Take off your shoes, your coat, your scarf. Take your camera out of your bag, your laptop out of your bag, your toiletries out of your bag. Walk through the metal detector. Beep! Beep!
What in the world is on me that could be beeping?! I’m wearing jeans, a tank top, a sweater, and underwear of course, and yeah, socks. With nothing in my pockets and only wearing cheap jewelry, I began to figure them out. They must have increased the sensitivity of the machines. They whisked me away to a little cubicle made out of white sheets, leaving my laptop, purse, and everything just lying out there. It wasn’t the search that made me mad. Go ahead, search me. If it will make everyone safer, by all means, do what you gotta do. But to make me leave my stuff sitting out for anyone to pick up my shiny macbook? You have to be kidding me.
The lady, thank goodness, had to feel me down. My arms, my back, my chest, between my boobs, my stomach, my upper inner thighs (about as upper as you can get before you need to exchange phone numbers), all the way down to my ankles. Then came the hand held detector. It beeped at every button on my jeans, every piece of jewelry I was wearing, and even for my bra. To make me think about this a bit more, I wore the same jeans here and was not beeped at once. When she was finished, I didn’t know what to say, so I just looked at her and said “Thanks” and ran out to grab my computer before someone else did.
I kept walking, thinking that would be the end of it. When I got to my gate I saw yet another line. We had to get in line to go through another security check. They were checking every single bag that was going on the plane, and every single person, whether you were frisked at the prior security stop or not. I was standing there when this gentleman from the line pointed to me and said “You, come up here!” I looked behind me, and then looked back. He was still pointing at me. I replied with a meek “Me?” Yep, he was talking to me. I was pushed to the front of the line and couldn’t figure out why. Then I realized, they brought out two females to search the ladies and two gentlemen to search the dudes. How thoughtful of them. I handed over my bags and spread my arms and legs. She felt me up, in all of the same places, in front of everyone. Lovely.
After being cleared I moved on to a roped off area that I wasn’t allowed to leave, not even to go to the bathroom. They really thought this through when they only had about 40 seats for a flight that was completely full. People were cramming into this tiny quarantined area wondering “What now?” At 8:40 some of us began boarding the plane for our 9:40 flight while the rest of us waited in line to be frisked, again.
At 9:40 everyone made it on board, with more carry-on luggage than I have ever seen in my life. I give it less than six months before we are all only allowed one purse or satchel or man purse to carry with us.
The plane began it’s journey down the runway, slowly putzing along. And then we heard the pilot. Cue the Brian Regan pilot voice. “Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a mechanical failure. It won’t affect the flight, but it is something that we need to go back and have fixed. Plus we need to fill out some paperwork. Thanks for your patience. I don’t think this will take too long.”
At 11:03 we finally took off, a little behind schedule. But hey, I am supposed to have a five-hour layover in Atlanta, so I sit here or I sit there. Either way I guess.
It was definitely an interesting morning, which made me think back to all of the changes we have experienced in air travel. Do you remember when people could smoke on flights? Or when you could walk your friends and family all the way to their gate when they were departing? Or just the same, when you arrived, and immediately walked off the flight and your family was standing there waiting for you at the gate! Or when my aunt would pack up a lunch and a thermos of her delicious tea for me to take on my 9 hour flight home? Or when we didn’t think it was weird to take our shoes off for security checks? Or when luggage was included in your ticket? Or when we didn’t look for “suspicious passengers” in the check-in line? I wonder if a day will come when we all look back and say “Remember when we could travel in our clothes, and not these orange jumpsuits they make us change into?”
1.03.2010
1.02.2010
2010.
Welp, it's my last night on my giant air mattress in a tiny room in Switzerland. The last day of this trip always has a sad undertone to it. You know, like everyone knows what's going to happen tomorrow, but if we ignore it and wait to repack until the last possible minute, things will be okay. And maybe, just maybe we can forget all about it, and live in a world where my best friend and favorite family members live in the same town that my family, my pets, my friends, and my guy live in. If only.
So let's continue down that same path with this post. A path where we just ignore the facts and think about something else. Like what? Hm... Like New Year Resolutions. I know it is the second day of January and this should have been something I discussed on the first, but I was too busy telling you all about the previous eve's adventures.
So here goes, a list of things I want to accomplish in the year 2010.
I want to be more positive. I'm a happy person, but let's be real, I complain, a lot. And who wants to be around a girl who complains all the time? Plus, I'm going to El Salvador in a week and a half, it's a humbling trip that always reminds me that I have NOTHING to complain about.
I want to stand up for myself. If I make a decision and you go behind my back and change it, don't be surprised if I get pissed. Bottom line, I'm going to work on the word "No" and standing up for myself, because, if I don't, who will?
I want to beat Brenda's sales numbers. I have 12 months (count them, January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, and last but not least December...) all 12 months to try to kick her sales number's ass. Three words for you: Bring. It. Brenda.
I want to express what I'm actually thinking. Yeah, so this one kind of ties in with number two, but let's get more in depth with this. If I feel like I need to tell you something, I am going to do it. I mean, I'm not going to tell you that you should never wear that hideous brown sweater, to your face, in a public setting, when you are giving a lecture, to 125 people. But if I need to tell you that yeah, you really do suck as a friend and you need to step it up or I'm out... look out, you might be getting a memo. And then watch out! If you reference resolution number two, you should note that I will be standing up for myself.
I will take Chloe for more walks, and maybe, just maybe, look into agility again. I loved training her on the agility field, and she loved it even more. There is something about letting a border collie show off in front of 15 other dogs, knowing that she is by far the best bitch out there. (Take "bitch" for all of it's meanings.) Personally, I can barely keep up with her and find myself wheezing by the time we get past the tire and the weave and then the final jump, but she loves it. It's like having a kid. I'm assuming that as a parent you don't really want to go to McD's all the time to eat crappy food and sit in that smelly playland. But you do it, because they love it, and even if they are super hairy, obsessed with tennis balls, and talk like Chewbacca, you love them back.
I will go to the gym. Sadly, having a gym membership is not the same as using your gym membership. I'd love to set this great number and say something like "By 2011 I want to be 20.11 pounds lighter" but who wants that pressure? Who actually wants to go out to Target and buy a scale? Who actually wants to weigh themselves after the holidays, plus after eating bread and cheese in Switzerland? Don't hold your breath.
I will stop breaking my teeth. For those of you who did not receive the personal emails yesterday afternoon, let me catch you up. It was 10am, January 1. I was eating my first breakfast of the new year! Something that should be inspiring and motivational. They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so imagine the importance of the first breakfast of the year! It's huge! If you really want to think about it, it should set the mood for the year. Let's just hope mine has no correlation what so ever to 2010. I was on my second piece of bread, because I'm in Switzerland and that is what they eat, all the time. I went to chomp down on my first bite and heard the most god awful crunch I have heard in a long, long, longgg time. I immediately felt my new upper tooth that recently replaced my chicklet for a measly $600. No worries, it was intact. Thank you Jesus. I felt the tooth next to it that has been bonded and rebonded many times. It was fine. So then I started thinking, eh, maybe it was nothing. I didn't even think to check my bottom teeth, they never have any problems. Yeah... not the case anymore. I chipped the front half of one of my front bottom teeth off. ON BREAD!!! If anyone is going to chip a tooth on something like bread, it was going to be me. At least it wasn't fondue.
I will continue writing. Believe it or not, I really enjoy writing these things. But it seems like the second I write something like "I'm going to be a good blogger" I go a minimum of three months with out a single blog. I also want to work on finishing my "dating book." What I have is pretty darn hilarious, according to my dearest Tiffany, but it's no where near done. I'm beginning to forget dates; their names, their issues, their cheesy lines, their humorous careers... oh wait, who can forget the Rocket Scientist?
Well, it's 1:03AM Swiss time. My goal was to stay up super late tonight, so that I will be tired tomorrow on my dreaded trip home. Did you know that my flight back home is 11 hours long! ELEVEN HOURS!!!! It was only eight hours here! Seriously?! The wind adds two hours? We aren't sailing across the Perquimans on a calm day, we are flying across the Atlantic. Eleven hours just seems a bit excessive if you ask me. Anyway, I'm not tired yet, but I need to quit writing. At 9:40 tomorrow I leave for home, with tears in my eyes. So while you are all dreaming your sweet dreams, think of me.
xoxo Suz.
So let's continue down that same path with this post. A path where we just ignore the facts and think about something else. Like what? Hm... Like New Year Resolutions. I know it is the second day of January and this should have been something I discussed on the first, but I was too busy telling you all about the previous eve's adventures.
So here goes, a list of things I want to accomplish in the year 2010.
I want to be more positive. I'm a happy person, but let's be real, I complain, a lot. And who wants to be around a girl who complains all the time? Plus, I'm going to El Salvador in a week and a half, it's a humbling trip that always reminds me that I have NOTHING to complain about.
I want to stand up for myself. If I make a decision and you go behind my back and change it, don't be surprised if I get pissed. Bottom line, I'm going to work on the word "No" and standing up for myself, because, if I don't, who will?
I want to beat Brenda's sales numbers. I have 12 months (count them, January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, and last but not least December...) all 12 months to try to kick her sales number's ass. Three words for you: Bring. It. Brenda.
I want to express what I'm actually thinking. Yeah, so this one kind of ties in with number two, but let's get more in depth with this. If I feel like I need to tell you something, I am going to do it. I mean, I'm not going to tell you that you should never wear that hideous brown sweater, to your face, in a public setting, when you are giving a lecture, to 125 people. But if I need to tell you that yeah, you really do suck as a friend and you need to step it up or I'm out... look out, you might be getting a memo. And then watch out! If you reference resolution number two, you should note that I will be standing up for myself.
I will take Chloe for more walks, and maybe, just maybe, look into agility again. I loved training her on the agility field, and she loved it even more. There is something about letting a border collie show off in front of 15 other dogs, knowing that she is by far the best bitch out there. (Take "bitch" for all of it's meanings.) Personally, I can barely keep up with her and find myself wheezing by the time we get past the tire and the weave and then the final jump, but she loves it. It's like having a kid. I'm assuming that as a parent you don't really want to go to McD's all the time to eat crappy food and sit in that smelly playland. But you do it, because they love it, and even if they are super hairy, obsessed with tennis balls, and talk like Chewbacca, you love them back.
I will go to the gym. Sadly, having a gym membership is not the same as using your gym membership. I'd love to set this great number and say something like "By 2011 I want to be 20.11 pounds lighter" but who wants that pressure? Who actually wants to go out to Target and buy a scale? Who actually wants to weigh themselves after the holidays, plus after eating bread and cheese in Switzerland? Don't hold your breath.
I will stop breaking my teeth. For those of you who did not receive the personal emails yesterday afternoon, let me catch you up. It was 10am, January 1. I was eating my first breakfast of the new year! Something that should be inspiring and motivational. They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so imagine the importance of the first breakfast of the year! It's huge! If you really want to think about it, it should set the mood for the year. Let's just hope mine has no correlation what so ever to 2010. I was on my second piece of bread, because I'm in Switzerland and that is what they eat, all the time. I went to chomp down on my first bite and heard the most god awful crunch I have heard in a long, long, longgg time. I immediately felt my new upper tooth that recently replaced my chicklet for a measly $600. No worries, it was intact. Thank you Jesus. I felt the tooth next to it that has been bonded and rebonded many times. It was fine. So then I started thinking, eh, maybe it was nothing. I didn't even think to check my bottom teeth, they never have any problems. Yeah... not the case anymore. I chipped the front half of one of my front bottom teeth off. ON BREAD!!! If anyone is going to chip a tooth on something like bread, it was going to be me. At least it wasn't fondue.
I will continue writing. Believe it or not, I really enjoy writing these things. But it seems like the second I write something like "I'm going to be a good blogger" I go a minimum of three months with out a single blog. I also want to work on finishing my "dating book." What I have is pretty darn hilarious, according to my dearest Tiffany, but it's no where near done. I'm beginning to forget dates; their names, their issues, their cheesy lines, their humorous careers... oh wait, who can forget the Rocket Scientist?
Well, it's 1:03AM Swiss time. My goal was to stay up super late tonight, so that I will be tired tomorrow on my dreaded trip home. Did you know that my flight back home is 11 hours long! ELEVEN HOURS!!!! It was only eight hours here! Seriously?! The wind adds two hours? We aren't sailing across the Perquimans on a calm day, we are flying across the Atlantic. Eleven hours just seems a bit excessive if you ask me. Anyway, I'm not tired yet, but I need to quit writing. At 9:40 tomorrow I leave for home, with tears in my eyes. So while you are all dreaming your sweet dreams, think of me.
xoxo Suz.
1.01.2010
Hello 2010.
First off, let me start by getting the essential out of the way: Happy New Year! As I write this, it is actually 12:15 (Swiss time). I wanted to write this on January One, so depending on what side of the pond you are on, I might still be accomplishing that. So yes, happy 2010 to all of you.
Quick tangent, when you type 2010, if you type it fast and your fingers get a little sloppy you might end up with 2-10... My mom used to have a boss that made us praise the real estate gods whenever the number 210 would randomly show up, whether it was the time of the day, or the returned change at the grocery store... So let's take a moment to praise the real estate gods for this new year in hopes of high numbers, many sales, and fewer reports.
Enough work talk... let's talk holiday! Last night was a blast. Let me walk you through it.
We began at Stefan's friends' apartment for an appetizer and some drinks, or what they call an Apero. I was warned in advance that this guy really, really loves cheese. I appreciate cheese, and some days I would say yes, I do love cheese, but this guy?! I was shocked that someone could love cheese this much! We had a lovely spread of cheese, mostly from France, that were all quite delicious. But before we could begin eating he gave us a geography lesson on the origins of everything we were going to be nibbling on. This lesson wasn't just talking, it included a thick book, with many maps and flagged off pages!
There was one cheese that really stood out to me... the cheese that had "animals" in it. As he explained, the "animals" live in the crust of this cheese and rarely go into the part we eat. The crust was... well, very crusty, and if you looked closely, you could see things moving. I say "animals" because I think somehow "micro organisms" was lost in the translation. I believe "micro organisms" was what they were shooting for, but I'm not 100% positive. When I was warned prior to our arrival that he might have cheese with animals in it, for some reason I was imagining tigers and cheetahs. Maybe it was one too many Cheetos commercials back home with that cheetah that sold the cheese puffs... not real sure on that one.
After the apero we hopped back on the bus and headed back to Kirsten's apartment for dinner, a delicious homemade lasagna that Kirsten and I prepared before we left. I had to laugh, when we were fixing the dinner they asked me if that was how I made my lasagna at home. Nope. I'm American. My lasagna comes from an orange and red box that Mama Stouffer has been slaving on in my freezer.
Dinner was great. And with a little time to kill we decided to play Cranium, auf deutsch. I hate Cranium in English, nevermind in German. For me, it is one of the most nerve wracking games, ever. Good thing the wine had been flowing all night, and continued to flow way, way, way into the evening.
As it got closer to 11:30 we realized we still had to eat the dessert that Chris and Mari brought: an apple crisp with vanilla ice cream. I write this in here as a mental note to myself. Mari added the juice of one orange to her apple crisp. It was amazing.
With only 15 (ish) minutes until midnight, I didn't know what I was more excited for: the new year and the fresh hope that comes with it, the table bomb that Stefan had been talking about shooting off for days now, or calling home and wishing them a happy new year 6 hours early.
Ten minutes before midnight we shot off the table bomb. I wish TSA wasn't so darn strict for honest, non-terrorist folks like myself or I would be packing one of these bombs up and bringing it home with me! You set it on your table, light it, and then horns and confetti and masks and happiness shoot out! It was glorious! (Especially after so many glasses of wine you can't count!)
With the sound of fireworks surrounding outside, we all hurried to put on our coats and run downstairs and out to the street. In addition to the table bomb, we had a few fireworks of our own. In Switzerland it is completely legal to stand wherever you want, whenever you want and shoot off fireworks. In Virginia, sparklers are illegal, and more than likely party poppers are highly frowned upon... But here, it doesn't matter! Our fireworks were not ginormous, but they were higher than I expected! One of the biggest thrills of the night was the fact that I got to shoot off a completely legal, not to mention totally dangerous firework, while under the influence, and I survived!
To wrap up the evening, we continued drinking wine (of course). I came in and decided that I needed to make my one New Years phone call... you know, like in jail. You get one call, you better make it good, and quick. Since I was flying solo for a holiday you should never fly solo on, I was so excited to call Guy and wish him a happy 2010, even if it was 5.5 hours early for him. It was probably one of the quickest calls ever because when I walked back out to the living room they were all like "that's it?!" When I looked at the phone and saw it only cost about 25 cents I began to wonder what in the world I said to him in such a short amount of time, with so much wine in me. Let's be real, 24 hours later I am still kind of wondering what we talked about, and how quickly it was all said, and whether or not it will affect my new years curse. Let's hope not.
After my speedy call and another glass of wine, we decided to wrap up the evening by going back out and finding a bar for one last drink. There was nothing too exciting at the bar other than a young guy with a marching band drum. I thought the pounding noise was simply my head at first. Thankfully, from what I inferred, he was a Carny, Drum Major who felt it crucial to bring is instrument with him to the bar. I don't really understand, but maybe he was trying to make up for something...
All in all, it was a great way to bring in 2010! Awesome family, more cheese, and even more wine. Here's to 2010 and all the joys it will bring!
Quick tangent, when you type 2010, if you type it fast and your fingers get a little sloppy you might end up with 2-10... My mom used to have a boss that made us praise the real estate gods whenever the number 210 would randomly show up, whether it was the time of the day, or the returned change at the grocery store... So let's take a moment to praise the real estate gods for this new year in hopes of high numbers, many sales, and fewer reports.
Enough work talk... let's talk holiday! Last night was a blast. Let me walk you through it.
We began at Stefan's friends' apartment for an appetizer and some drinks, or what they call an Apero. I was warned in advance that this guy really, really loves cheese. I appreciate cheese, and some days I would say yes, I do love cheese, but this guy?! I was shocked that someone could love cheese this much! We had a lovely spread of cheese, mostly from France, that were all quite delicious. But before we could begin eating he gave us a geography lesson on the origins of everything we were going to be nibbling on. This lesson wasn't just talking, it included a thick book, with many maps and flagged off pages!
There was one cheese that really stood out to me... the cheese that had "animals" in it. As he explained, the "animals" live in the crust of this cheese and rarely go into the part we eat. The crust was... well, very crusty, and if you looked closely, you could see things moving. I say "animals" because I think somehow "micro organisms" was lost in the translation. I believe "micro organisms" was what they were shooting for, but I'm not 100% positive. When I was warned prior to our arrival that he might have cheese with animals in it, for some reason I was imagining tigers and cheetahs. Maybe it was one too many Cheetos commercials back home with that cheetah that sold the cheese puffs... not real sure on that one.
After the apero we hopped back on the bus and headed back to Kirsten's apartment for dinner, a delicious homemade lasagna that Kirsten and I prepared before we left. I had to laugh, when we were fixing the dinner they asked me if that was how I made my lasagna at home. Nope. I'm American. My lasagna comes from an orange and red box that Mama Stouffer has been slaving on in my freezer.
Dinner was great. And with a little time to kill we decided to play Cranium, auf deutsch. I hate Cranium in English, nevermind in German. For me, it is one of the most nerve wracking games, ever. Good thing the wine had been flowing all night, and continued to flow way, way, way into the evening.
As it got closer to 11:30 we realized we still had to eat the dessert that Chris and Mari brought: an apple crisp with vanilla ice cream. I write this in here as a mental note to myself. Mari added the juice of one orange to her apple crisp. It was amazing.
With only 15 (ish) minutes until midnight, I didn't know what I was more excited for: the new year and the fresh hope that comes with it, the table bomb that Stefan had been talking about shooting off for days now, or calling home and wishing them a happy new year 6 hours early.
Ten minutes before midnight we shot off the table bomb. I wish TSA wasn't so darn strict for honest, non-terrorist folks like myself or I would be packing one of these bombs up and bringing it home with me! You set it on your table, light it, and then horns and confetti and masks and happiness shoot out! It was glorious! (Especially after so many glasses of wine you can't count!)
With the sound of fireworks surrounding outside, we all hurried to put on our coats and run downstairs and out to the street. In addition to the table bomb, we had a few fireworks of our own. In Switzerland it is completely legal to stand wherever you want, whenever you want and shoot off fireworks. In Virginia, sparklers are illegal, and more than likely party poppers are highly frowned upon... But here, it doesn't matter! Our fireworks were not ginormous, but they were higher than I expected! One of the biggest thrills of the night was the fact that I got to shoot off a completely legal, not to mention totally dangerous firework, while under the influence, and I survived!
To wrap up the evening, we continued drinking wine (of course). I came in and decided that I needed to make my one New Years phone call... you know, like in jail. You get one call, you better make it good, and quick. Since I was flying solo for a holiday you should never fly solo on, I was so excited to call Guy and wish him a happy 2010, even if it was 5.5 hours early for him. It was probably one of the quickest calls ever because when I walked back out to the living room they were all like "that's it?!" When I looked at the phone and saw it only cost about 25 cents I began to wonder what in the world I said to him in such a short amount of time, with so much wine in me. Let's be real, 24 hours later I am still kind of wondering what we talked about, and how quickly it was all said, and whether or not it will affect my new years curse. Let's hope not.
After my speedy call and another glass of wine, we decided to wrap up the evening by going back out and finding a bar for one last drink. There was nothing too exciting at the bar other than a young guy with a marching band drum. I thought the pounding noise was simply my head at first. Thankfully, from what I inferred, he was a Carny, Drum Major who felt it crucial to bring is instrument with him to the bar. I don't really understand, but maybe he was trying to make up for something...
All in all, it was a great way to bring in 2010! Awesome family, more cheese, and even more wine. Here's to 2010 and all the joys it will bring!
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